Appeared June 30, 2006

It's God's exercise plan

 

Dear Dumb Ads Readers:  

      Some of the ads on this site are clearly dumb, while others are only slightly stupid.  Some generate more comments than others.  Some, I have to ask myself whether they're stupid enough to appear here, and some have been removed over the years for failure to qualify.  

     But in the paper two days ago, I discovered this ad, quite possibly the mother of all Dumb Ads.  I will warn you that, while reading this ad, you may actually feel your intelligence level drop several points.

That said, I present to you, The Marketing of Divine Intervention: 

 

This ad ain't tiny, either.  6 x 10.5 inches.

 

Soloflex apparently really "believes" in this product.  (HA!)

 

Unfortunately, the ad is black and white.
Color would have been even funnier.

 

 

What?  Did they just honestly suggest...

He's not... is he actually... praying, while squatting, Gollum-like, looking up at the sky?

What they're honestly saying here is that nobody knows how this thing works
[and I'm neither confirming nor denying whether it works]
so therefore, the only possible explanation, is that
GOD makes it work!
Yes!  It works because of
GOD!!!

Please note the sentence, "Scientists can't explain it."  Which scientists?  What kind of scientists?  Astronomers?  Where are these scientists?  How rigorous were their scientific methods before they just gave up and said, "I know!  It works because GOD makes it work!  That's the only feasible explanation!"

Three hundred and ninety-five bucks for a vibrating thing you stand on.  And you can tell that price is a bargain, because the "institutional" models (???) cost $2,500 to TWELVE THOUSAND BUCKS!  Some gym (or institution?) actually paid twelve grand for a vibrating thing people stand on?  Somewhere, there's a Vibrating-Thing salesman on his yacht, high-fiving his buddies while laughing, "I told 'em it was controlled by God!  Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Usually, we like to end questions with a question mark, rather than an exclamation point.

Godspeed to you, Soloflex.

Thankyou for what is quite possibly the stupidest ad ever printed.

 

Text content and original graphics c.2006 by T. Graff / All ad images and scans copyright their respective owners.