The Ads
The quick index




NEW! Added 8/13/07 - Poorly-placed advertisements  


NEW! Added 8/13/07 - I can't wait to blow my nose!  


Buy USA Currency for twice its face value


Boys like military stuff


It's a mini-playground for bacteria


Family time with salsa


Writing a love letter to food.


Color your hair and get some sex!


Giving away what was always free


It's a football on a bun!


Learning how to use a spoon


Chocolate and kidnapping


Whiskas with goldfish


Made in the style of Real Pizza
165. Pamper your Puppy
164. Blasting your slow cooker gunk
163. Hayfever is over, thanks to Kleenex
162. Fun for the whole family, except the kids
161. Longer lasting fun on the toilet!
160. Cleaning the shoeprints off the furniture
159. He works for Scott as a Bubble-Blower
158. God gave Rock and Roll to Universal
157. Fall in love with her hair
156. Doing yoga in the can
155. Dasani Shower Water
154. The Big Game of What?
153. Super Bowl and Cough Medicine
152. How drunk do you have to be?!?!
151. God's gift for the holidays?
150. Use your Vision Benefits!
149. For teeth that can cut steel... Colgate!
148. Comparing diamonds to gravel
147. She's fallen, and she couldn't care less
146. He's hungry, because he works with steel
145. Popcorn and Pirates
144. Wear a badge if you're not sweaty
143. It's the Teddy Bear that likes spicy food
142. As long as some guy approves
141. It's Jesus, the Plains Indian
140. We have pomegranates... and stuff.
139. All-American Santa!
138. The Black Forest of Illinois
137. American Express, Optometry Professionals
136. Texas doesn't just have cattle anymore
135. Quaker needs you to get new pajamas
134. How to clean the toilet, from Brawny
133. Let the maids clean it
132. Andy Warhol's embroidery thread
131. The smell of Broadway
130. Using the blender is such a hassle
129. Photo of the White Trash family 
128. Pre-treating laundry works better
127. That's a bad tee shirt
126. Leonardo's German watch
125. The iMicrowave
124. The scientific razor
123. Buy an aquarium, save some money
122. Shoes made with rubber
121. Protect America with a knife
120. Ice-cream bar comedy
119. Cook with Pam or eat raw food
118. Enormous human head sells dog treats
117. Savings you don't have to pay for
116. Water in a new shape
115. Selling Divine Intervention for $400
114. It's (about) eight in one
113. Free Cola! Sort of...
112. Frightening the car shoppers
111. My shirt's got attitude!
110. It's a sale upon a sale
109. For that "aquarium" hairstyle
108. Flavored Water
107. It's fake, but it's French!
106. It's a burger... sauce... recipe
105. Ridding the world of forks
104. Know what you're selling
103. The slippers that feel no pain
102. Not just any chicken
101. Bright, freshly-squeezed pants
100. 'Cause food in cans is no good
99. How do YOU wear gloves?
98. "Optimized," or 42 times too large
97. Our prices are just the same
96. Underwear makes you happy
95. Use someone else's catch phrase
94. But before we assess you...
93. It's a toy Los Angeles driver
92. Only the number's collectible
91. Life is apparently disposable
90. Diet, exercise and caffeine
89. The high-security zippered wallet
88. Lose weight without mussing your hair
87. Captured baby boy
86. Makes your car smell like a car
85. Deep thoughts about...
84. Origami and pickles
83. Cheering for the laundry
82. Suddenly, we're an Irish beer!
81. It's a fishing gun.
80. It's Spanish, and it means... something.
79.   The carpet cleaner with staying power
78. A racially-sensitive rifle manufacturer
77. New cabinet racks to replace old husbands
76. It's as serious as a fishing rod can be
75. It's free, but someone has to pay for it
74. Craftsman tools for boys or girls
73. Double: now twice as much!
72. The Holiday Inn Power Breakfast
71. The telescope that's either 525x or 225x
70. A new, old idea in salad dressing
69. Bologna?  What do I do with that?
68. Easy to find, with a microscope
67. The hero of plate collectors everywhere
66. He has a professional pen
65. Clothing model by day, pimp by night
64. Eat, drink, and... drive!
63. Don't cook your shaving cream
62. That's one spendy teddy bear!
61. Ben-Gay is now scientific and stuff
60. The movie so good you should own four!
59. Big hands invariably lead to crime
58. Professional ass-kissing
57. The Captain is an alien
56. Could you carry a Steinway like this?
55. Do bears crap in the woods?
54. Non-traditional cocktail models
53. Drown that cottage cheese in jelly!
52. Cushy Ripples
51. Dinosaurs' extinction caused by bleach
50. Dysentery Juice
49. Ugly sweaters at extremely high prices! 
48. It's a 140-dollar sale
47. Smokin', datin' both about ten minutes
46. Cover up that hideous vacuum!
45. Carrying around a sumo wrestler
44. Wooden ducks and cigars
43. Our product is healthier if you eat healthier
42. Julius Caesar: Toilet Expert
41. Don't subscribe... just pay us!
40. Cover up your laundry stank
39. Gardenburgers and phone psychics
38. Merry Cat's Ass!
37. I'm thirsty.  I need beef and cheese!
36. Better get a bunch of lawn mowers!
35. Cigarettes and hot pants
34. The son of God's... plate
33. It's so big that it's too small
32. Kodak's ASA math lesson
31. It's French, sort of
30. Butt Lint
29. Neck sex toys
28. What the hell do you do with mayonnaise?
27. Richard sells Middishade
26. The two-armed doll
25. If you need a mousepad to surf the web
24. Shotguns 'n Racin' Cars!  Whooooo!
23. Three-legged wife murderer
22. The smoothest phone company
21. Clothing models are zany!
20. Santa's hot nude elves  --  NSFW
19. Pac-Man and Booze
18. The Chastity Belt Server
17. Diggin' up the yard for Easter
16. Hey y'all!  I caught me a shoe!
15. The son of God's... BIRTHDAY plate
14. Professional wrestlers need plates, too
13. Talk to the wing!
12. My kitchen's a mess-- take a picture!
11. Football-shaped pizza
10. Reality shows and church-- together at last
9. Dolls with bodily functions
8. Diet? Exercise?  Hell, I just needed salad dressing! 
7. All this time, I've been reading while on the can!
6. Too short for what?
5. A fish so clever, it needs its own plate
4. Kill wildlife and appear professional
3. Water?  What do you do with that?
2. Clothing for the new millennium
1. Computer services for the new millennium


Text content and original graphics c.2006 by T. Graff / All ad images and scans copyright their respective owners.